Was there any reason for the split? Truthfully, no. We were still very much comfortable with each other, loved spending time, were movie buffs, and in every way a compatible couple. It was my wish to say the truth. He just supported me in every step. And it was whimsical, expensive, bad. Now when I look back and see what I have done, I feel ashamed. If anybody treated me inthat way, I would never ever see that person’s face again. I abused and exploited the relationship in the worst way possible. Still….it goes on.
Is this love? This longing, guilty feeling, this tug, what is it called? I never felt I was a emotional person. But now…I have to admit, I’ve never seen a more whimsical or weird being. What I did, why, I don’t know. And sadly, the two people who were connected to me both suffered genuinely. However much apologies I make, it will fall short.
Now, it comes again, the thing I hate the most. A decision that will again change my life. And it is the proverbial last straw. What I make of it will decide how the rest of my life will go. While I cherish the certainty and comfort and safety, I also long for the wild mystery and call of the unknown. I know this time whichever way I chose, I have to burn the bridges and go. No second (erm…third…fourth) chance.